Sinister Flower

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Last Time

This is the last time im going to post.

I know i havent updated in a long time but im not going to.
because im lame but oh welllll.x3

Posted at 03:06 pm by SinisterFlower
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Tuesday, March 02, 2004

You used to captivate me by your resonating life

I was thinking back on all the memories i have with Zach.

There are so many, which im very fortunate to have.
I remember some of the funny stuff him and Coburn did over Christmas break
I remember we went to Jalepenos to eat
I swore id never go out to eat with them again...

we were sitting in the back corner and someone walked in at the door.
Zach stood up and screamed, "OVER HERE! HEY! WE'RE OVER HERE!"
I was embarrassed and I said, "I'm never going anywhere with you again!"
The very next day we went to Heiwa's for lunch...
They made another scene by screaming that the ginger sauce looked like cat throw up.

I remember Christmas night Zach and Matt came over to my house and watched me paint.
And my favorite memory of Zach was the first night I met him (I think it was Thanksgiving)...
I threw him out of my house. One night Rachel came inside through the garage door with this cute skinny kid with curly dark hair and beautiful eyes
I didn't know who he was, I just freaked out because it was late and my grandparents would get mad. So I was like, You have to leave! You have to leave!
After he left, Rachel said, That was Zach Burns, that kid was talkin about you all night long...
He really wanted to meet you...
I felt so bad I tried to call him the next day but he didn't answer. But then we started talking online a few weeks later and I got the chance to apologize.
I miss him so much.
Ive gone to his grave every day since it happened...
I havent really talked to anyone much
I should, they're all worried about me...
They all ask me how i am everyday
I lie.
Im a big fat lier when it comes to that.
but oh well, thats the way it is...

I need him here with me especially right now...
Its a lazy afternoon and i miss him.
We used to always do something on these types of days..
He lived Right next door.
But now hes........... Gone..

You used to captivate me by your resonating life

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind ...

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

-Evanesence

XxKatyxX
I love you Zach

Posted at 04:05 pm by SinisterFlower
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Monday, March 01, 2004

Zach... R.I.P. 2/14/04..... I love you

What to do, how to deal

Don't know exactly what I should feel

I'm shocked and I'm stunned, I'm gasping for air

This pain is just too great to bear

Your big blue eyes and your gentle touch

I'm going crazy Zach, I miss you so much

It was all so sudden, way too fast

I just talked to you day before last

I thought you'd be here when I got home

I never dreamed that you'd be gone

I took you for granted and that's hard to admit

But I want you to know I'm so thankful for our friendship

It's too hard to face, too hard to accept

But Zach I swear I'll never forget

I try to think briefly about something else

But your voice hits my heart and I just melt

It echoes so loudly it makes me head ache

It makes my heart crumble and it makes my hands shake

As strong as I pretend to be, I'm not

I should have said I loved you but I simply forgot

Now my life has to continue without you here

And even though I can't see you, I know that you're near

I feel you around me as the tears fall off of my face

I know you're in a far better place

You'll never know heartache like we have here on Earth

You'll never know what it's like to hurt

Wherever I go, the mountains, the beach

I'll always know you're within my reach

You're looking down smiling and watching from above

And now you see just how much you are loved

This is so unreal, I'm in denial

I keep thinking about the times you made me smile

My eyes are burning I'm crying so much

Being strong has never been so tough

I keep praying it isn't true

Zach, I can't stop thinking about you

Why did this happen? I keep asking myself

Why learn the hard way and not some way else?

I'm not brave enough to handle this pain

The worst part is, it was all in vain

It makes me sick to think about this loss

...to think about what this lesson cost

I was so stupid, so very naive

I didn't think this would ever happen to me

I didn't tell you when I had the chance

What a sweet kid you were under every circumstance

"Hey Beautiful" will forever be in my heart

I can hear it right now, as I'm falling apart

The fun times we shared and the memories we made

Those memories will never never fade

The world keeps on turning in spite of my strife

I love you Zach, and I'll remember you for the rest of my life.

Zach i love you so much, more than i ever told you but i do.

XxKatyxX

Posted at 04:52 pm by SinisterFlower
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Thursday, February 26, 2004

we only part to meet again..ZACH R.I.P 02/14/04

hes gone...

we had just been out that night, i never thought anything like this couls happen to me but it has

the firtst time i told him i loved him was that night...hes said it to me before i just could never say it back...now he

and of all days... valentines day

s gone.

i dont know what im supposed to do with out him

i had just saw him a a few hours earlier...than he was gone..

i was supposed to be in that car with him..but i decided not to go

why am i here..i shouldnt be here

all i want is to have him back

and thats the one thing i cant have back...

Him

XxKatyxX

"When I look to the sky something tells me you're her
with me and you make everything alright.... and when i feel likle i'm lost
something tells me you're here with me and i can alway
find my way when you are here"

R.I.P. Zachary Paul Burns
February 14, 2004
i love you

Posted at 08:41 pm by SinisterFlower
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Sunday, February 15, 2004

We must someday realize the truth..No matter how hard we try. We cant erase our past. For Without our past, we have no future...

"Were All mad here. Im mad. You're Mad"

I wish i could have the past back sometimes...
But, than i think what would i do if i didnt have some
of the friends, things that i have now... Id go mad.
And thats just it.
No matter how much i want to go back
I cant.
Even if it were possible.
I couldnt do it.
I wouldnt do it.
All for the present i have now.
All for the people i have in my present now.
But what about the people in my past.
What happens to them..
Cant i have them back too?
Even if i had my past back
Theres so much id lose by going back.

Sometimes i just wish i could go outside of myself and

just watch the world go by.

But than i want to be in it.

Damn...Why do i have to be so fucking picky.

"In THAT direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round, "lives a Hatter: and in THAT direction," waving the other paw, "lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad." "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
"we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

Posted at 12:48 pm by SinisterFlower
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Thursday, February 12, 2004

"Help me if you can, It's just that this is going away, I want it so quickly please,"

I dont have much to say other than...
It must of been the flower...

I dont understand the world...
The only thing i do understand is...my kickass guitar...
which everyone needs to ask be about because it is fuckin awesome
and i love it.
but other than that..i dont understand the world

It Must of been the flower
SinisterFlower
XxKatyxX

"Help me understand what
I've given in to all the years
And this darkness I have known

Lying to myself again
Suicidal imbecile
Think about it, put it on the faultline
What'll it take to get it through to you precious
Come on to this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
Such a bitch, why do I wanna watch you"
--A Perfect Circle--
The Outsider

Posted at 03:57 pm by SinisterFlower
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Tuesday, February 10, 2004

"I keep hoping for these dreams to be true, Don�t I realize it will only put me into another spiral downfall...."

"I am destroyed by the inside, I disassociate
I hope to destroy the outside, it will alleviate and elevate me
Like water flowing into lungs, I'm flowing through these days
As morphine tears through deadened veins, I'm numbing in these days"

Im going to prom with him
eh...
its not that i dont wanna go, i just dont know how much of
a prom type of person i really am...i dont know
Im excited though
I think it will be fun

Oh shit!!!!
Ask me a bout my kickass guitar....NOW.....
its so fuckin awesome

Me and Jason are going to a kickass
concert of Afi, thursday, and Coheed and Cambria

fucking awesome, right jason?
hahah......

18 Days Left

"I keep hoping for these dreams to be true
Dont i realize it will only put me into another spiral downfall
From all this, its just put me into agony"

"I sometimes wonder...you know, how it all went so sour
I guess..it must of been the flower"
XxKatyxX
-SinisterFlower-

Posted at 06:38 pm by SinisterFlower
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im not the one your dying for

drove down to florida a while ago...zack and andrew and melissa and kirsten came back to visit me here!! that was fun and exciting!

shit...i have to go to G.H.P in a week...scary!

i gotta go..

XxKatyxX

"Im not the one your dying for"

Posted at 03:37 pm by SinisterFlower
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Sunday, February 08, 2004

...

shit...i just realized how many pet peeves i have, no,
no they arent pet peeves, i dont have pet peeves,
i have psychotic fuckin hatreds
yes, psychotic fuckin hatreds...
lets see, i think ill make a nice list of stuff that pisses me off...

Poorly Timed stop lights
Wasabe-you know the hot spicy shit
the inside of wendys, mcdonalds, etc..
Cold Weather
Hot Weather
humididty
people that drive slow
racist people
not being able to speak my mind(an ex. is "If you dont have anything
nice to say, dont say anything at all" Whats up with that???
popups
yugioh-that stuff sucks
people that whine
tequila
speeding tickets
When people pull up to eachother on the opposite ends of a two way street to chat
all the dents in my car
cops who dont listen to your story, their writing up your ticket before you can say anything...
bad traffic
when people complain about how they look(Theyre fatness, ugliness, etc...)

Ahhh, that was a nice rant of the shit i hate!!!

Jason, I love you so much!!!!!!!! haha, and you give great sex...
Are you happy now???
haha...

XxKatyxX

"...Covered from head to toe in lighting,
it's constantly changing when I'm around.
Days left before this is over and done with.
The sheets keep whispering "will you make it through this day?..."
-Poison the well-

Posted at 07:45 pm by SinisterFlower
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Friday, February 06, 2004

everytime you think your talkin your just movin your mouth. everytime you think your lookin your just lookin down.....

I dont understand the world sometimes...

Went to hang out with jessie and james and caitlyn

not much is really goin on

I got to see Andrew and zack and matt on Monday and Tuesday so that was cool

i cant even remember the last time i hung out with them...

I used to be with with Andrew, Tyler and Matt pretty much everyday

of the summer........

I miss that

I havent seen Tyler since...forever

I miss it just being the four of us

I miss hanging out and laughing and...just having fun

I guess i have fun now too

but i cant help but miss being with them...

especially zack

i miss him...

he wants me to go to his prom with him...

i dont know if im a very prom type of person though

he said hed come pick me up and everything

its about a 2 hour drive...

ill probably go..i dunno...

he told me he loved me when i saw him on tuesday(him and his friend came in town for a few days...)

i guess i love him

but im still young, i dont know, maybe i should just realize what i have here and take it because i know i want it, i do love him, its just hard

it makes me think of jonathon....telling me that he loved me...ehh...

that bothered me..i guess it shouldnt have, but it did...eh...

XxKatyxX

i didnt know how things could have gone so sour

It must have been the flower

you have such pretty words
But life's no storybook
love is just an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt, do you like to hurt?
I do, I do, I do, this didn't hurt me
Didn't hurt me ...oh this hurt me

Posted at 05:52 pm by SinisterFlower
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